I am not the kind of bride Martha and the editor's of InStyle have in mind. Theme? Like what? Under the Sea? Hawaiian Tropical? Old Hollywood? Right now, the closest theme I have is L.A. Carnival meets North Carolina Country. Colors? I have to pick just one? Two? Are you kidding? I might wear black from head to toe five times a week, but I love me some color. I am not limiting myself. I refuse. My colors? Look at a fucking rainbow. Those are my colors!
Great. I can see it now. Gift after gift of unicorn trinkets with rainbows.
Showing posts with label unicorns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unicorns. Show all posts
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
The Hunt for a Unicorn (Part 2)
After Will, I took a break. I’d had enough heart-break and frustrations with love to last a lifetime. I wished I liked cats so I could curl up with six of them and call it a life. Then, in a moment of desperation, I signed up with Match.com. Tricia told me three of her friends got engaged over Christmas, and they’d all met their mates on Match. Match? Seriously? For the cost of a dinner out, I signed up for three months.
The first month was an ego blow. None of the guys I emailed responded. I got emails from Christian guys liking my “family-oriented” side. I got emails from guys clearly not in my demographic. I said 30-40, not 53. I said 6’ or taller not 5’6”. I said lives in Los Angeles not Columbia. And a lot of days, I didn’t get any emails at all. It was hard not to run to the SPCA and get a cat.
I decided I had to be proactive. I made a plan. Every week I had to email ten guys. I thought it would be easy. It was hard. At first. Then, I stopped being so hyper-critical. It’s like shopping for dresses. Sometimes the ones that look best on the models don’t look so great on you and the ones that look like crap on the hanger look hot on you. I started reading into more of what they said and less of what they wanted me to see. I looked at their pictures. The ones with headshots or modeling shots were out. The ones who stated over and over how important physical beauty was were out. I sent out ten emails the first week and waited. One emailed me back. One. And he was the one who I thought looked like a peacenik professor who recycled a lot. He also looked hip and cool with had an underlying message of earth lover. I’m a tree-hugger and all, but I don’t want to get yelled at because I don’t compost in my small apartment with no yard.
I emailed him back, and we got a witty banter going. I was ecstatic. I looked at his pictures again. He looked pretty cute. Even hot. Burned in the past, I refused to put all my eggs in one basket so I kept emailing my ten guys a week, be it with a little less enthusiasm. Again, no one emailed me back. Well, one guy did, but he said he was getting off of Match and wished me luck. I thought that was nice.
Finally, we set a date. He asked me to sushi in Santa Monica. I was shocked it wasn’t coffee. This guy was signing up for dinner. Was he clueless or just hungry? It’s hard to get out of dinner fast, but pressed, you can gulp a coffee and make up an excuse to leave. This is commitment. Dinner.
I walked down Fourth Street looking for the restaurant. It had glass walls, and I saw a lone man sitting at the counter skulking. I didn’t want to date a hunched over, under confident man. I didn’t even want to have dinner with him. For a split second I considered walking on and standing him up. I got to the corner and looked towards the door. On the bench out front was the Peacenik Professor laughing and chatting on his cell phone. He looked as good as all of his pictures. And not at all like a peacenik professor.
It took a few months for me to realize I had found my unicorn. The past ruses left me doubtful and untrusting. He called when he said he would. He picked me up for dates on time. He didn’t complain when I never asked him into my apartment, but merely kissed him in his car before hopping out with a “thanks for a great night!’ wave.
He let a little hint out when he showed up at my door unannounced about two months into dating with a dozen red roses for me. For no reason. None. He said he was just thinking about me. And he didn’t care when I stood there stunned in a mismatched sweat suit and a banana clip looking like shit. Like I said, he was unannounced. I finally found a man who didn’t just tell me he loved me; he showed me he loved me.
Over the year, I’ve gotten a little spoiled by his unannounced roses, and like all things in life, come to expect them occasionally. My jaw doesn’t drop anymore when he helps me carry my bags at the farmers' market. I’m used to him opening the car door for me, and still appreciate it. He surprises me with sweet cards and kind words. He likes when I say cheesy things about us. The few bumps along the way, we've talked through easily. I like to say that this relationship is easy. I never knew a relationship could be easy.
Now, I have a ring on my finger and I am looking at our future. I don’t know if we’ll stay in Los Angeles. I don’t know how it will be when we live together. I’m scared there will be lots of disagreements when we move in together because that’s what I know from Bill and Larry. I’m scared things will change and we might end up divorced. Right now, I do know that he is an amazing partner who will be an incredible father. And if there is one thing that he has taught me it’s this: He isn’t like anyone else I’ve ever dated. I found my Unicorn.
The first month was an ego blow. None of the guys I emailed responded. I got emails from Christian guys liking my “family-oriented” side. I got emails from guys clearly not in my demographic. I said 30-40, not 53. I said 6’ or taller not 5’6”. I said lives in Los Angeles not Columbia. And a lot of days, I didn’t get any emails at all. It was hard not to run to the SPCA and get a cat.
I decided I had to be proactive. I made a plan. Every week I had to email ten guys. I thought it would be easy. It was hard. At first. Then, I stopped being so hyper-critical. It’s like shopping for dresses. Sometimes the ones that look best on the models don’t look so great on you and the ones that look like crap on the hanger look hot on you. I started reading into more of what they said and less of what they wanted me to see. I looked at their pictures. The ones with headshots or modeling shots were out. The ones who stated over and over how important physical beauty was were out. I sent out ten emails the first week and waited. One emailed me back. One. And he was the one who I thought looked like a peacenik professor who recycled a lot. He also looked hip and cool with had an underlying message of earth lover. I’m a tree-hugger and all, but I don’t want to get yelled at because I don’t compost in my small apartment with no yard.
I emailed him back, and we got a witty banter going. I was ecstatic. I looked at his pictures again. He looked pretty cute. Even hot. Burned in the past, I refused to put all my eggs in one basket so I kept emailing my ten guys a week, be it with a little less enthusiasm. Again, no one emailed me back. Well, one guy did, but he said he was getting off of Match and wished me luck. I thought that was nice.
Finally, we set a date. He asked me to sushi in Santa Monica. I was shocked it wasn’t coffee. This guy was signing up for dinner. Was he clueless or just hungry? It’s hard to get out of dinner fast, but pressed, you can gulp a coffee and make up an excuse to leave. This is commitment. Dinner.
I walked down Fourth Street looking for the restaurant. It had glass walls, and I saw a lone man sitting at the counter skulking. I didn’t want to date a hunched over, under confident man. I didn’t even want to have dinner with him. For a split second I considered walking on and standing him up. I got to the corner and looked towards the door. On the bench out front was the Peacenik Professor laughing and chatting on his cell phone. He looked as good as all of his pictures. And not at all like a peacenik professor.
It took a few months for me to realize I had found my unicorn. The past ruses left me doubtful and untrusting. He called when he said he would. He picked me up for dates on time. He didn’t complain when I never asked him into my apartment, but merely kissed him in his car before hopping out with a “thanks for a great night!’ wave.
He let a little hint out when he showed up at my door unannounced about two months into dating with a dozen red roses for me. For no reason. None. He said he was just thinking about me. And he didn’t care when I stood there stunned in a mismatched sweat suit and a banana clip looking like shit. Like I said, he was unannounced. I finally found a man who didn’t just tell me he loved me; he showed me he loved me.
Over the year, I’ve gotten a little spoiled by his unannounced roses, and like all things in life, come to expect them occasionally. My jaw doesn’t drop anymore when he helps me carry my bags at the farmers' market. I’m used to him opening the car door for me, and still appreciate it. He surprises me with sweet cards and kind words. He likes when I say cheesy things about us. The few bumps along the way, we've talked through easily. I like to say that this relationship is easy. I never knew a relationship could be easy.
Now, I have a ring on my finger and I am looking at our future. I don’t know if we’ll stay in Los Angeles. I don’t know how it will be when we live together. I’m scared there will be lots of disagreements when we move in together because that’s what I know from Bill and Larry. I’m scared things will change and we might end up divorced. Right now, I do know that he is an amazing partner who will be an incredible father. And if there is one thing that he has taught me it’s this: He isn’t like anyone else I’ve ever dated. I found my Unicorn.
The Hunt for a Unicorn (Part 1)
A good man is sort of like a unicorn. You hear about them and their magical powers, but you never really meet them. I spent thirty-four years in search of my unicorn. I even lived with a couple of them.
Invariably, over time, the white would rub off, and as the saying goes, their true colors would show. Bill* used to tell me, “I always said I wanted three things in a woman: beauty, intelligence and athleticism. I guess it’s great that I got two of those with you.” Huh? Thanks for the backhanded compliment. Is that a dirt smudge on you?
Even with his backhanded compliments, and there were many, Bill is a good guy. He’s upbeat, fun, athletic and kind. He also likes to keep people happy so he’ll say what you need to hear to make you happy. And he managed to do that with me for a long time.
“I think North Carolina is great! Your mom is awesome. We could start a business there and have a family. It would be awesome!”
I’d cock my head to the side, and think, “What are you talking about? I don’t want to live in North Carolina.” That is, until Bill said he might want to. His comments would start me thinking. “Maybe he’s right. Real estate is cheaper there. Mom would be there to help with the future kids. People are cool. Wow. Maybe this is a great idea.”
Then, we’d be out with friends a few weeks later, and he say, “I’m never leaving Colorado. It’s the greatest place on earth. Why would I ever leave?” Huh?!?! I’d sit at the table not really hearing the rest of the conversation as the little house in North Carolina I’d conjured up faded.
Bill had this uncanny habit of dropping thoughts into my brain, allowing them to fester and grow into real, honest to god ideas. I’d start picturing life in North Carolina or a trip to France or a new business venture. He’s a dreamer, which is good, but it took my three years to realize he can dream big, but his dreams didn't always involve me.
When I finally decided I needed to leave Colorado, I found a whole other batch of unicorn wanna-bes in California. I thought I’d found “the one” in Orange County, which should have been clue enough, but I ignored my little voice and jumped whole-heartedly into a relationship. In my mind, I was ready to run off to Vegas and seal the deal. Larry was sensitive and realistic where Bill wasn’t. He loved me just the way I was. Smart, beautiful and athletic. What Larry and I didn’t anticipate was 9-11, and how the emotions would tear us apart. I’m from the east coast. I’ve leaned against the glass of the World Trade Center and watched the tiny yellow taxis move below. I’ve walked to lower downtown from my brother’s Brooklyn apartment to shop in the shadow of the Towers. So, when they fell, I wondered if my brother or his wife were there. I worried that my father, who works in Washington, D.C., might have been at the Capitol when they told us the Capitol was struck. 9-11 hit me deep and hard. These were places I knew intimately filled with people I love. The day after 9-11, I came home from work utterly exhausted and still in shock. I knew all of my family members were accounted for, but I still mourned the loss of the United States as I knew it. I broke down sobbing with fear of what was to happen to our country, to our world. I knew that the world would never be the same. I cried for all of the families who lost people. I cried because my beloved Towers, the marker of New York City since I was a little girl, were gone. I couldn’t stop crying. And Larry, he couldn’t understand why. I tried to explain to him, but it didn’t help.
Our relationship slowly unraveled after that. His paper unicorn horn fell off, and I packed up and moved on. I held onto a love for him for years after that, holding many men up to what we had, or what I imagined we had. He set the bar higher for what I expected in a relationship
I dated lots of men after Larry, but no one really shook up my world until I met Will. We worked together. We flirted and fought the sexual chemistry between us for two years before anything ever happened. I longed for him, and didn’t understand why he didn’t reciprocate. I had finally written him off as a friend when he told me he was incredibly attracted to me, and really wanted to date me, but we worked together. Luckily, he was on his way to another job. We immediately began dating, and it was everything I ever dreamed it would be except no one knew. He didn’t want anyone at work to know so I didn’t tell anyone – not even my closest friend at work. On top of no one knowing, he was so busy networking for his new job, he could only see me after 10pm, and never seemed to want to see me on a Saturday night. I found all of it a little strange, but I was so happy to finally be dating him, albeit a secret, that I let it slide. I let a lot slide. I let the fact I felt like shit because no one knew slide. I let the fact he didn’t want to meet my friends slide. I let all of it slide until one day when he told me he didn’t have time for a girlfriend anymore. Then I noticed he wasn’t even of the same genus as a unicorn.
*I get to change names when I want to.
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