I started thinking about the “green” life. I usually eat local, organic produce that I buy at the farmer’s market. I try to buy mainly organic meats, but of course, I fail often. I replaced a few bulbs in my house with new compact fluorescents. I’m getting used to the different glow. I try to be kind to the earth. I don’t try especially hard, but I try.
I picked up a book the other day for my website called the Organic Pregnancy. I thought this would be a good thing to check out since we are thinking of getting pregnant in the next year or so, and hey, I can write it off. It is scary. Like super, really-I-have-to-completely-change-my-life scary. I wash my clothes in Tide. I know it isn’t great for the earth, but I like the way it smells. I clean my glass table with Windex. My housekeeper uses Pine-Sol to clean who knows what, but my house has a just cleaned smell when I return from work. And now all I can think is, oh my god. I am breathing in chemicals. Toxins. I am filling my lungs, my skin, my house with toxins.
I decided I will start buying non-toxic cleaners. When the Tide runs out, I’ll get a natural detergent. These aren’t too hard to do. I’m not going to completely panic, but make small changes. By the time we are ready to conceive, all the really nasty toxins should be out of the house. At least cleaning supplies. We’ll talk cosmetics and my favorite hair products another time.
I was just starting to relax when it hit me. We just moved into new offices at work. I know the company is not using natural, $43 a can paint here. Workers are sanding the new PVC windows behind my desk (yes, I have windows) releasing toxins into my work place. They are painting these windows with more toxic paint. Yesterday, I had these windows open to air out my freshly painted office as per the book. It said something like if you have to sit in an office all day with toxins all around, open your windows as much as possible. So I did. Until they put more toxins on my windows.
Being green isn’t easy. I think I am starting to panic… I think I need a drink of my water that was bottled in the south pacific and flown here. I think I have a long way to go to get to “green.”
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
My Best Friend Ebay
The dress arrived from Texas, and it fits like it was made especially for me. Me, with slightly bigger boobs, but I'm a sure Frederick's can help with that. It is pouffy. It is white (silk white). It has a train that bustles. It's silk. It's light. It's elegant. It didn't suck all of my money. It is like a three-ton weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I have a wedding dress, and I like it. A real, life, looks-like-a-wedding, wedding dress. I am a bride.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Get in the box
The wedding industry is a racket. I’ve already said that about a million and one too many times. But I’m saying it again. If I hear “it’s only once in your life” again, I might vomit. I also only graduated from college once (and was that a fun party!), had sex for the first time once, turned 16, turned 21, turned 30, and got confirmed once – oh wait. Never did that one. Yes, god willing, this wedding will be my only one this lifetime. If we both stay healthy and sane (mostly me on the sane side), this will be our only wedding.
The cost of weddings, as discussed before is mind-boggling. Hopefully, I only have to throw a large party for my friends once, too. Unless we win the lottery or one of our hare-brained ideas flies. Then, I’ll be happy to host because I can pay someone else to do everything and all I have to do is show up.
The main thing I am realizing is that it is much easier to be a bride in a box. There is a reason that these weddings are done in such a cookie cutter way. And yes, there are different shapes of cutters, but they are cutters all the same. I started out fighting this tooth and nail. I wasn’t going to wear a big white dress (am now), wasn’t going to have bridesmaids (am now but NOT in matching dresses), wasn’t going to have aisle to walk down (might now) and, well, I guess I always planned on food and dancing. It’s hard to get out of the box. I tried. I scraped and screamed and pleaded. I wore myself out thinking of different ideas. The reality is that it is so much easier to just do what everyone else does. I’m starting the think the box is pretty comfortable.
The cost of weddings, as discussed before is mind-boggling. Hopefully, I only have to throw a large party for my friends once, too. Unless we win the lottery or one of our hare-brained ideas flies. Then, I’ll be happy to host because I can pay someone else to do everything and all I have to do is show up.
The main thing I am realizing is that it is much easier to be a bride in a box. There is a reason that these weddings are done in such a cookie cutter way. And yes, there are different shapes of cutters, but they are cutters all the same. I started out fighting this tooth and nail. I wasn’t going to wear a big white dress (am now), wasn’t going to have bridesmaids (am now but NOT in matching dresses), wasn’t going to have aisle to walk down (might now) and, well, I guess I always planned on food and dancing. It’s hard to get out of the box. I tried. I scraped and screamed and pleaded. I wore myself out thinking of different ideas. The reality is that it is so much easier to just do what everyone else does. I’m starting the think the box is pretty comfortable.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Now we're really cooking with gas!
After completely freaking out and almost losing it last week, I've come to a peace with the wedding. I decided I really want to get married in North Carolina. As much as I love Big Sur and the idea of a simple wedding, I know I will regret not doing more just because it is cheaper. And how much cheaper? I can't believe I am saying this, but what is $5,000 in the big picture? Of course, we'll probably spend more than that, but my dad is giving us some money and his dad gave us some money. After some discussion, or what I would consider to be the closest we'd gotten to a fight, he agreed to support my female desire to have a wedding.
In an effort to cut costs so we can still afford a house, we decided all but the closest friends and the family are being invited. We moved the ceremony to my mom's mountain house, which sounds much fancier than it is. It's a great house. Not huge, but with a spectacular, breathtaking view. And the view is what we are going for. The list is cut, the location fee is cut, the frivolous nonsense I was stressing on is cut.
I'm not sure how the whole thing will be pulled off, or if it will end up looking a little white trash in the process. I have ideas for white lights on the deck and a few trees. Some tiki torches lighting the way down the otherwise pitch as black driveway. Maybe even stringing up some mason jars with candles in them a la Martha Stewart. Maybe white trash meets Martha? She'd die. No, I seriously think we can pull off a pretty wedding for a decent price. When my mom suggested picking the wildflowers ourselves, I had to say no. I can cut the list and the nonsense, but hell if I am stomping through woods looking for flowers to cut so we can save $100. I mean, I still have some dignity and hello! I am asking people to FLY to the wedding. I also put a kabosh on the potluck idea. All fine and well when you live in town, but I'd love to see my friends traveling and driving to Ingles to attempt to get their ingredients to make their special dish. I have a feeling they'd just get bread and I don't think 60 loaves of bread makes a good meal. So yes, I am still paying for the caterer. If my fiance had it his way, we would be having 60 loaves of bread.
I guess it is best if one of us is more responsible with money, but COME ON!
In an effort to cut costs so we can still afford a house, we decided all but the closest friends and the family are being invited. We moved the ceremony to my mom's mountain house, which sounds much fancier than it is. It's a great house. Not huge, but with a spectacular, breathtaking view. And the view is what we are going for. The list is cut, the location fee is cut, the frivolous nonsense I was stressing on is cut.
I'm not sure how the whole thing will be pulled off, or if it will end up looking a little white trash in the process. I have ideas for white lights on the deck and a few trees. Some tiki torches lighting the way down the otherwise pitch as black driveway. Maybe even stringing up some mason jars with candles in them a la Martha Stewart. Maybe white trash meets Martha? She'd die. No, I seriously think we can pull off a pretty wedding for a decent price. When my mom suggested picking the wildflowers ourselves, I had to say no. I can cut the list and the nonsense, but hell if I am stomping through woods looking for flowers to cut so we can save $100. I mean, I still have some dignity and hello! I am asking people to FLY to the wedding. I also put a kabosh on the potluck idea. All fine and well when you live in town, but I'd love to see my friends traveling and driving to Ingles to attempt to get their ingredients to make their special dish. I have a feeling they'd just get bread and I don't think 60 loaves of bread makes a good meal. So yes, I am still paying for the caterer. If my fiance had it his way, we would be having 60 loaves of bread.
I guess it is best if one of us is more responsible with money, but COME ON!
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
What's happened to parenting?
The New York Times ran an article about these women who are seen as baby gurus. I watch SuperNanny because I think she has some really good points on behavior. I guess, in the big picture, these baby gurus are just a more expensive, personal version of SuperNanny.
But, my question (and keep in mind I don’t have kids), is what have we all come to when people can’t control their own kids? Or trust that we know what we are doing? We rely on professionals for everything. Career counseling, weight loss, organizing our homes, cleaning our homes. But child rearing? I always thought that was something I could just call my mom for help with or ask my friends how they dealt with sleep issues. Click on some books on Amazon, and have an expert packaged in a book arrive on my doorstep.
I hear kids in shops ordering their parents around, and the parents acquiescing. I am appalled at how many ill-behaved, self-righteous, selfish children are out there. I’ve spent a lot of time babysitting and even being a nanny, and I wouldn’t let my charges speak to me like that. I am not going to pretend I am even close to SuperNanny Jo, but I can say no to a two year old.
Of course, check back with me in a few years when I am saying yes to my bossy, out of control two year-old so I can just get out of the store. It’s easy to be self-righteous when I don’t have kids. Who am I to judge? I might be begging for those numbers when I am holding my six-month old, screaming and crying. But, I have a feeling I’ll just be begging for my mom.
But, my question (and keep in mind I don’t have kids), is what have we all come to when people can’t control their own kids? Or trust that we know what we are doing? We rely on professionals for everything. Career counseling, weight loss, organizing our homes, cleaning our homes. But child rearing? I always thought that was something I could just call my mom for help with or ask my friends how they dealt with sleep issues. Click on some books on Amazon, and have an expert packaged in a book arrive on my doorstep.
I hear kids in shops ordering their parents around, and the parents acquiescing. I am appalled at how many ill-behaved, self-righteous, selfish children are out there. I’ve spent a lot of time babysitting and even being a nanny, and I wouldn’t let my charges speak to me like that. I am not going to pretend I am even close to SuperNanny Jo, but I can say no to a two year old.
Of course, check back with me in a few years when I am saying yes to my bossy, out of control two year-old so I can just get out of the store. It’s easy to be self-righteous when I don’t have kids. Who am I to judge? I might be begging for those numbers when I am holding my six-month old, screaming and crying. But, I have a feeling I’ll just be begging for my mom.
Monday, March 5, 2007
The Dress Part 2
I said I wasn't wearing a "wedding" dress. I swore it. I planned on pulling a Carolyn Bessett Kennedy. Looking stunning in a simple, clean-lined, sexy dress. Well, guess what? Bias cut dresses look like shit if you have any sort of hips. I am far from "hippy," but the bias dress is not my best friend.
I tried on pouffy white confections with Rebecca, and felt like, well, not me. I tried on filmy, goddess style dresses with my mom, and felt like, well, not me. I tried. I stood in Nicole Miller
and stared at the woman in the mirror. The one that made my mom cry. I thought I looked pretty damn good. Even a little sexy, but it still wasn't quite right. The dress itself felt great - really light. I dragged my mom toLoehman's in an effort to find the dress like a hunk of gold hidden on the river bottom. She was completely claustrophobic as we squeezed ourselves between the tightly placed racks, and said more than once that she needed to leave. I didn't let her. We found it. A grey-ish, white Badgley Mishka gown. I felt like a super ball winner. We paid the $350 for the originally priced $1200 gown and floated out of the store.
By the time we reached the stationary store in Beverly Hills all of fifteen minutes later, I knew the gown wasn't the one. My mom asked me what I wanted to wear. What did I picture myself in? I imagined a gown I designed with intricate cuts, layers of fabrics - chiffon, organza,charmeuse , taffeta - all together on one gown that was slightly deconstructed. The gown I imagined would look a lot like the $3000 ones at LesHabitudes. The dress hunt has made me miss my sewing machine like... well, like something missing. A chunk of me sitting dormant.
I started imagining the wedding at the house in North Carolina, and in the process, saw myself in a traditional wedding gown. I started scouring eBay because there is no way in hell I am giving up another Saturday to shop instead of hike or think about sewing (note: I didn't say sew because really, who am I fooling?). I finally found one that appeals to me. I'm sending her the check tomorrow and then I just get to wait. I pray to god the dress fits like a glove and I can stop thinking about this. I have way better things to spend my time on. Like designing a new website presence.
I tried on pouffy white confections with Rebecca, and felt like, well, not me. I tried on filmy, goddess style dresses with my mom, and felt like, well, not me. I tried. I stood in Nicole Miller
and stared at the woman in the mirror. The one that made my mom cry. I thought I looked pretty damn good. Even a little sexy, but it still wasn't quite right. The dress itself felt great - really light. I dragged my mom toLoehman's in an effort to find the dress like a hunk of gold hidden on the river bottom. She was completely claustrophobic as we squeezed ourselves between the tightly placed racks, and said more than once that she needed to leave. I didn't let her. We found it. A grey-ish, white Badgley Mishka gown. I felt like a super ball winner. We paid the $350 for the originally priced $1200 gown and floated out of the store.By the time we reached the stationary store in Beverly Hills all of fifteen minutes later, I knew the gown wasn't the one. My mom asked me what I wanted to wear. What did I picture myself in? I imagined a gown I designed with intricate cuts, layers of fabrics - chiffon, organza,charmeuse , taffeta - all together on one gown that was slightly deconstructed. The gown I imagined would look a lot like the $3000 ones at LesHabitudes. The dress hunt has made me miss my sewing machine like... well, like something missing. A chunk of me sitting dormant.
I started imagining the wedding at the house in North Carolina, and in the process, saw myself in a traditional wedding gown. I started scouring eBay because there is no way in hell I am giving up another Saturday to shop instead of hike or think about sewing (note: I didn't say sew because really, who am I fooling?). I finally found one that appeals to me. I'm sending her the check tomorrow and then I just get to wait. I pray to god the dress fits like a glove and I can stop thinking about this. I have way better things to spend my time on. Like designing a new website presence.
Junior High Moment
I spin almost every Tuesday and Thursday morning before work. I've been going to the same classes for over two years. In my ideal world, my classmates and I would all greet each other by name and wave when we passed on the street. It's the real world and I barely know anyone in my class. I stumble in, half asleep and get set up on my bike. I watch, with eyes at half mast, as everyone comes in. They grumble and get on their bikes. A few people chat and laugh.
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