“She always has to win. This is why she is divorced.”
My fiancé told me this in regards to a woman who I had a mis-communicated business transaction. She replied to my one paragraph email with four paragraphs. She, the super, busy, professional woman to me, the executive assistant, aspiring web entrepreneur. If she is so busy, and so successful, why does she need to quibble with me over $50? I won’t go into the gory details of something that has taken way too much energy, but his comments left me pondering the concept of always having to win and marriage.
Marriage, like all relationships, requires compromise. Requires backing down. There will always be things that I will stand up for like not having a cat. But most things in life are negotiable. We argued over where to live – my apartment, his apartment, or a different apartment. I’m pushing to leave Los Angeles, he wants to stay. I’m giving in on these things. We moved into his apartment in Venice, and for now, are staying in Los Angeles. I folded on a gas stove (his apartment has electric which is almost unheard of in LA), but I made it clear that the next time we move, an electric stove is a deal breaker no matter how cool the apartment (or, hopefully, HOUSE) is. We give and we take. We demand and we acquiesce.
It didn’t hit me until he said that about her always having to win, that neither one of us works that way. I already decided to meet her original, misunderstood-by-me demands. In my mind, I was giving a little, she would be giving a little. We both come out even. No winner, no loser. Just a lesson in communication to be learned by each of us.
With my relationship, I’m going to keep compromising when I can. And I’m going to feel blessed that the man I’m choosing to spend my life with doesn’t always have to win.