Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Secret

Since I got engaged I have been filled with… well, anxiety. It’s not about whom I am marrying as much as what are we doing with our lives? These jobs are not our life calling. This apartment is not where I imagined I’d be at age 35 or where I want to raise a family. The idea of buying a half-million dollar condo just so we can get into the real estate market is disheartening especially since it only has one bedroom.

When I admitted to a woman slightly older than me that I was completely freaking out and losing it during planning my wedding (and thinking how come no one else feels like this?), she told me to go buy a book called “What No One Tells The Bride.” In the desperate state of looking for any solution, I rushed back to my computer and promptly ordered it from Amazon. And thank god I did. I’M NORMAL!!!

What no one tells the bride is that all (or most) brides feel lost and freak out during planning. Marg Stark, the writer, tells me that most people decide to make tons of other major life changes while they are planning their wedding. Like a wedding and marriage isn’t enough to worry about. Other crazy people move, change jobs and start families at the same time or right after! Just like we are talking about! We are all insane!She talks about power struggles and feeling lost in the middle of singledom and married life. She talks about hearing the pencil as single friends cross you off their list of people to call. She talks about changing or not changing your name (I’m not changing, much to my fiancé’s disappointment). This book couldn’t have come at a better time.

My friend in Boulder is getting married in June. Last week, she admitted to me that they are working through bumps and renegotiating their relationship. I wondered for a second if maybe she shouldn't marry this guy. The relationship is supposed to be perfect in everyone's eyes. Even though people keep telling us we are living a fairy tale, we are living real life. This is why we freak out. No one wants to admit they are having a bumpy time, but we all do. We are crossing into new territory. We are joining lives and families together. Marriage is a major change.

I’m telling my friend in Boulder about this book because she should marry her guy. He’s perfect for her even with their disagreements and bumps. It's normal to have a few doubts and to question whether or not you really want to join lives with this man. I think it's healthy. When my next friend gets engaged, after she’s buried herself in wedding magazines and is ready to implode, I’m handing her this book, too.

Cheers to Marg for telling us all the truth. This is one bride that is sleeping more easily. Who doesn’t like being told they are normal??!!

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